Fabric Softener
by Chigliak
Summary: Fabric softener should be considered more dangerous than a roomfull of Sabertooths. If there was a Stupid category, this would fit it. Please R+R.


DISCLAIMER: If I owned the X-Men, I would be one happy bitch. Unfortunately, they belong to Marvel--I offered to strip for Marvel, but they just wouldn't let me have the X-Men. Bastards.   
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Fabric Softener  
by Chigliak  
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CRASH!  
  
A loud crashing sound in the X-Mansion attracted the attention of two people.   
  
Jubilee looked up from the TV with surprise in the direction of the sound. "What was that?"   
  
Rogue turned in surprise also. "I don't know," she replied. She got up off the couch and walked towards the kitchen. She disappeared into it, and all that could be heard were her footsteps, until they came to an abrupt stop. "REMY?" she exclaimed. "What the hell are you doin' on the floor?"  
  
At these words, Jubilee jumped off the couch and rushed into the kitchen, wanting to see the sight for herself. True enough, Remy LeBeau lay flat on his back on the kitchen floor.   
  
"Mon dieu...dat hurt," he grumbled, sitting up and wincing as his ass made contact with the hard kitchen floor.  
  
"What happened, sugah?" Rogue asked, helping him up.  
  
"Gambit don' know," Remy replied, rubbing his ass with both hands. "Gambit was jus' walking' along here, when Gambit slipped."  
  
Jubilee began giggling when she saw Remy rubbing his ass. Remy gave her a dirty look, which didn't stop her. He stormed out of the kitchen, followed closely by Rogue, who, much to his dismay, was also giggling.  
  
"Why's ever'one gotta be laughin' at Gambit?" he sulked.   
  
"Sorry, sugah," Rogue said. It sounded sincere, and cheered Remy up a bit, until she began giggling again.  
  
"Dat not funny, chere."  
  
"Ah'm sorry, sugah, *really*," Rogue sputtered, "it's just...Ah ain't never seen you that klutzy before." Her giggles turned to full-out laughter.  
  
Remy was about to come up with some sort of smart-ass retort, but Jubilee intervened, holding something in her hand.  
  
"Guys?" she said, uncertainly, probably thinking the couple was about to fight, "I, like, found this on the floor. It's probably the thing that made Remy slip."  
  
Rogue looked at the object suspiciously. "That looks like..."  
  
"Fabric sof'ner!" Remy said, suddenly sounding excited.  
  
"And that's a good thing?" Jubilee asked, bewildered.  
  
"Oui!"  
  
"Uh...why?"  
  
"Don' you see?" Remy demanded. "Now Gambit can be suing da company dat makes dem things! Gambit's humil'tion ain't going unnoticed!" He hurried out of the living room, and up the stairs.  
  
Jubilee and Rogue turned to each other, not quite sure just what the hell was going on. "Do you, like, know what he was talking about?" the younger girl asked.  
  
"Sugah, Ah'd have to go loony before knowing what *that* meant."  
  
"Yeah. Good point."  
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Unfortunately, Remy's plans for suing the fabric softener company didn't take off as well as he'd hoped. It seemed as though the people around him were against helping him with his scheme.  
  
"No, Remy, I will *not* testify for you that you nearly broke your neck slipping on a sheet of fabric softener."  
  
"Ah, Hank, why not? Do Gambit a favor here--Gambit be doin' you a favor, in return, if you do."  
  
"I will not be bribed into lying to a court of law!"  
  
"Who say you lyin'? You could just be...elab'ratin'."  
  
"Lying." Hank corrected Remy. "In my opinion, this entire situation is ridiculous. Do you even know what brand of fabric softener it was that caused you to slip?"  
  
Remy looked crestfallen at this. He hadn't thought about that aspect of the situation.  
  
Hank continued. "There are several people living here. Each person washes their own clothing, meaning there would be more than one brand of fabric softener in this house--just how are you going to narrow that down? We don't even know how long that fabric softener has been lying on the floor. It may have been in a different area of the kitchen for months, and been moved."  
  
"Hank, you ain't no help."  
  
"My sincerest apologies, Remy, but I refuse to lie to the courts about something as trivial as fabric softener." Hank headed out of the living room, announcing that the conversation was over with.  
  
Remy sat on his chair, brooding. "How can Gambit finda way to sue dat company?" He concentrated on the question for so long he didn't realize it had gotten dark outside, nor did he notice when Logan walked into the living room.  
  
Logan sat on the couch, flipped on the TV, channel surfed for several minutes, and settled for a channel consisting of really awful country music videos, but most of which featured scantily-clad buxom women. He settled back on the couch, and opened the beer he had brought with him, before noticing Remy was not acting like himself.  
  
"What's the matter, Cajun? Some lady ignored ya on the street or somethin'?"  
  
"Non."  
  
"Well, what then?" Logan asked impatiently. Remy was distracting him from the women on TV, and it was starting to aggravate him.  
  
"Gambit tryin' to figger out how to sue a fabric softener company."  
  
Logan glanced at Remy incredulously, then laughed so hard he nearly spit out his beer. "You? Sue a FABRIC SOFTENER company?! That's gotta be the craziest thing I heard all day!"  
  
Remy jumped, startled out of his train of thought by Logan's laughter. It wasn't common for him to see Logan laugh. In fact, he couldn't recall a time he had heard Logan laugh. "What? What you laughin' for?" he demanded defensively.  
  
Logan stopped laughing, and chugged some of his beer. "At you," he finally answered. He smirked. "Suin' a *fabric softener* company--how pathetic is that?"  
  
"Shut up! Gambit don't laugh at you every time you say somethin' stupid!"  
  
"That's the thing, Cajun...I ain't ever gonna say anythin' so stupid. Not now, not later, not ever." He paused, as if suddenly remembering something, and got up, walking through the kitchen.  
  
"Where you goin'?" Remy asked, still miffed at being laughed so many times in one day.  
  
"I just remembered," Logan said, "that was *my* laundry in there. I forgot it was done."  
  
"Wait a min'ut--dat's *your* laundry?!"  
  
"Yeah. Why?"  
  
"'Cause den, dat's *your* fabric softener!"  
  
Logan turned back and glared at Remy in pure irritation. "What's your point, Cajun?"  
  
"It's your fault Gambit fell! Gambit should be suing you!"  
  
Logan shook his head, marveling at the craziness of Remy's idea. "Bring it on," he muttered, not caring if Remy heard him or not, as he headed into the laundry room to collect his clothing.  
  
Back on the couch, Remy was considering this new aspect. "Mebbe Gambit should," he said, in response to Logan's remark.   
  
Professor Xavier was an influential person...perhaps he could help him.  
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THE END  
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, I know--that was *really* stupid. Don't ask...maybe I *should* cut back on my daily coffee intake...  
  



End file.
